Le Bored
by TheDarkLindsey
Summary: Lucius Malfoy is bored, so he has his best friend Severus Snape come over. Slight slash, stupid argument.


_Le Bored_

_4/14/12_

Lucius Malfoy twirled his pimp cane in his hand, staring out of the window, bored to death. He sighed, wondering where Snape was. He was supposed to be here hours ago to keep him company and entertain him with his Potions talk.

Just as he was about to give up on Snape, Snape appeared in the fireplace, a small bit of ash on his black robes. He brushed it off, and walked out of the fireplace, making sure he didn't have any more ash on him as he did so. Lucius smiled; he had taught Snape well.

Snape sat in one of the comfy armchairs across from Lucius, taking a sip from the glass of wine that Lucius had put next to the chair hours earlier. He made a face; he clearly didn't like the taste of the wine. Lucius just shrugged it off; more wine for him, then.

"So, about our discussion earlier. . . I think Sherlock Holmes is better than Edgar Allan Poe," Lucius said, putting his pimp cane down next to his chair. Snape just _pfft_!, and put his wine down on the small table in between them.

"That is absurd! Poe is much better than Holmes any day!" Snape argued, getting comfortable in the chair, throwing his legs over one of the arms, and his head over the other, eyebrow raised as he waited for Lucius' response. Lucius just gaped.

"How could a practical psychopath compete with a genius?" Lucius responded, no in debate mode. Snape just rolled his eyes at Lucius. Of course the idiot would think that Sherlock Holmes was a genius.

"Well, how could a broken down man write such artistic and flowing stories, while Mr. Holmes just lets his assistant do all the work?" Snape supplied, closing his eyes and looking like he was about to fall asleep.

"At least Sherlock Holmes solves mysteries! Edgar Poe just creates confusion!"

"That's because you don't own enough smarts to understand his words and language."

Lucius almost pulled out his wand, he was so offended at Snape's comment. Snape just smiled a bit, knowing he was right. Lucius fumed at Snape's small smile.

"At least Holmes uses his brain! Poe just lets other people. . . Poe is. . . YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" Lucius roared, not thinking up anything better to say. Snape just burst into guffaws, shaking all over from his laughter.

"You are. . . so. . . stupid!" Snape managed to get out between chuckles. Lucius just sat in his chair, watching the Potions Master try to control his laughter, and fail as he sees Lucius' face, and burst into even louder laughter.

"Stop laughing at me!" Lucius said, getting up and launching himself at Snape. He hit Snape full force, causing the both of them - and the chair - to topple backwards onto the floor. He wrestled with the smaller man, trying to get him to stop laughing. It worked, but a punch to his face made him forget his small accomplishment. He stared at the man beneath him, shocked that he would do such a thing.

"Get off of me, you idiot! You're HEAVY!" Snape growled, punching him in the jaw this time. Lucius glared at the small man beneath him.

"I am NOT heavy! You're just out of shape and skinny!"

"At least I'm not FAT!"

"TAKE THAT BACK!" Lucius roared, punching Snape's ribs, causing Snape to suck in a breath of air in pain.

"NEVER!" Snape roared back, a sadistic smile on his face. He brought his knees up to his chest, then used his legs to kick Lucius off of him. Lucius landed right on his butt, next to the fireplace. Lucius went for his cane and wand, grabbing it just as a curse flew by his head. He yanked his wand out of his cane, and aimed it at Snape's heart. Snape was doing the same. Both were breathing hard.

Suddenly, they burst into loud laughter, lowering their wands at the same time. They walked towards each other and clapped each other on the back. They went back to their seats, Snape lounging as he had earlier, Lucius even breaking his royal elegance to throw a long leg over one of the chair legs, his back digging into the other chair arm as he smiled and closed his eyes.

"Sherlock Holmes is still better," Lucius said, not opening his eyes to see Snape's face. He heard Snape chuckle a bit.

"Yeah, yeah, Lucius. You believe that."

"Your face!" Lucius responded, just wanting to throw that in.

There was silence from Snape, and then. . .

"You really are a drunken idiot, aren't you?" Snape asked, a hint of humor in his voice. Lucius cracked open one eye to see that Snape was staring at him, an almost evil smile on his face. Lucius sighed, but smiled and closed his eyes again.

"Yes, I suppose I am. But at least I have more humor than you."

A snort from Snape. "You wish."

"I know."

Silence.

"Shut up and let me go to sleep."

"Go to sleep, and I'll draw a permanent marker mustache on you. And a beard. And a unibrow," Lucius replied.

Silence filled with Snape's glowering.

"Do that, and _you'll_ wake up with your wand stuck up one of your crevices, and your cane shoved down your throat."

More silence.

"Goodnight, Sevvie-poo."

"Call me that again, and you WILL be forced into a room with a band of naked male strippers. Oh, and you will be naked and tied down to either a table or your bed."

The silence this time was thick with Snape's threat.

"Oh, so you _**would**_ love to see me naked, wouldn't you?" Lucius replied, smirking.

"Ask me that again, and you will be permanently glued to that chair for the rest of your natural life."

Lucius gulped slightly. "You know what, I'm just going to go to sleep now."

"Please do. Your talking is giving me a migraine."

Lucius immediately opened his eyes and glared at Snape. Snape glared back. Lucius' eye twitched. Snape's glare never wavered. Lucius gave up and looked away. He heard a _humph_! of triumph from Snape.

Even more silence. Well, until. . .

"SNNNNAAAAAAPPPPPPPPEEEEEE! HEEEELLLLLOOOO!" Narcissa's voice echoed throughout the room, making both men clap their hands to their heads so they wouldn't be deafened. Narcissa sauntered into the room and up to Snape, pulling him up from his chair and crushing him in a giant bear hug.

While Snape was being crushed to death and suffocating, Lucius looked to the door and saw little Draco - little, four year old Draco - peering his innocent, bedridden head into the room. Lucius smiled widely, and walked to the door, taking up his only heir into his arms and putting the squealing Draco onto his broad and strong shoulders.

While Lucius brought Draco into the warm room and out of the drafty hallway, he saw that Snape was still trying to get out of Narcissa's clutches (he swore that woman's arms were tentacles sometimes). As Lucius sat back down in his chair, he took Draco off of his shoulders and put the still squealing toddler in his lap. Draco immediately began wrapping his hands in Lucius' hair, making Lucius slightly wince in pain when Draco pulled on it. Hard.

Snape had finally gotten out of Narcissa's grasp by that point, and had taken the chair beside Lucius to keep away from the crazy person (beside Lucius and Snape, of course) in the room. Narcissa didn't even notice, just sat in Snape's abandoned chair, the one across from Lucius and Snape.

It was silent except for Draco's happy giggles, and Lucius' occasional small hiss of pain when Draco pulled his hair too hard, which was often. The air was warm, and soon everyone was growing tired.

Eventually, Narcissa and even the playful Draco had drifted into a deep sleep. Snape was nodding off, and even Lucius' eyelids were drooping too much for his liking. Both were yawning almost constantly now.

Just as they were about to close their eyes and go to sleep. . .

"SEVERUS SNAPE AND LUCIUS MALFOY! LITTLE DRACO! NARCISSA!" Albus Dumbledore's voice boomed throughout the Manor, making everyone jump awake. Draco started crying from being woken up so abruptly, and Lucius immediately calmed him by giving Draco long pieces of his hair. Draco immediately stopped crying and started yanking on Lucius' hair, making Lucius groan in relief.

Dumbledore burst into the warm room, making warm air rush out, and cool air rush in. Everyone, except Dumbledore, shivered. Snape shot dagger eyes at Dumbledore, and Narcissa just yawned and headed off back to her room to go back to sleep. Lucius and Snape wished they were that lucky. They were stuck with Dumbledore at 2:00 in the morning.

Dumbledore swished into the room, his light blue robes billowing behind him, moonlight glittering off his long beard. Draco blinked at Dumbledore, then started wriggling in Lucius' arms, throwing his arms out towards Dumbledore, hands grabbing. Dumbledore smiled and took Draco, then yelped when Draco grabbed his beard and yanked on it. Snape and Lucius just shared a small smile.

"Hello, boys. I am here to inform you that. . . Well, actually, I'm here for no reason," Dumbledore said, twirling Draco around. Draco squealed and Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. Snape and Lucius just shot daggers at Dumbledore. They were ignored.

"Well, this is a nice visit, but we're tired, and we really want to go to bed. So, please. . ." Lucius said, motioning for Draco. Dumbledore gave the happy boy back, bid them farewell, then vanished in a puff of smoke. Lucius and Snape just rolled their eyes and went back to their seats, closing the door before they did so. As the air in the warm slowly started to heat up again, Lucius plopped Draco back in his lap and leaned back, ready for sleep. Draco, apparently, wasn't.

"Story!" Draco squealed. Lucius groaned, and Snape smirked.

"Okay. . . Snape, help me!" Lucius begged. He didn't know a single story to tell.

Snape sighed and walked over to Lucius' chair, then sat down in the floor in front of it, Indian style. He cleared his throat, then began his story. . .

"Once upon a time, there was a charming and handsome prince named Draco Malfoy. He was so charming, all of the little girls flocked after him. Unfortunately, there was a witch who didn't want the young prince to be handsome or charming, so she cast a spell on him.

"Young Draco was immediately made ugly. As he cried, a young girl came up to him and said, 'You're so _handsome_!'" Lucius had to chuckle at Snape's impression of a young girl's voice. He couldn't get it that high, so it came out as a semi-high squeak.

"Anyways, the young girl took the ugly, young Draco's hand and told him that she loved him. And they lived happily ever after. The end," Snape said, finishing his story with a flourish of his hands. Draco was now asleep.

"That was the lamest story I've ever heard," Lucius commented. Snape just stuck out his tongue at him, making Lucius guffaw. Snape, sticking out his tongue? Too funny.

"So? It taught him that looks don't matter," Snape replied. Lucius just snorted.

"Yeah, like that will work. By the time he is ten, I will have brainwashed him into thinking that looks are everything," Lucius said, rolling his eye like that was the most obvious thing in the world. Snape just ignored him and started to get up, placing a hand on Lucius' knee to help himself up from the floor. Lucius offered a hand, and Snape gratefully took it.

While getting up from the floor, Snape tripped on Lucius' shoes - of all the **** to trip over! Lucius' shoes! - and fell right onto Lucius' lap. Thankfully, Lucius had put Draco onto the couch next to him after Draco had fallen asleep, so Snape didn't crush him. He was still on Lucius' lap, though.

"Stupid shoes of yours!" Snape growled, struggling to get off of Lucius without hitting. . . certain places. All Snape managed to do was fall back against Lucius again. This time, though, their lips accidentally met. Instead of jerking away like Snape had expected - it was an accident, nothing more! - Lucius pulled him closer and deepened the kiss.

After a few minutes, they pulled away. Their faces reddened, and Snape scrambled off of Lucius, unceremoniously falling on his bottom. They stared at each other for a minute before. . .

"That never happened!" they said at the same time. They nodded, then Snape got off of the floor and sat down in the chair across from Lucius, once again lounging across it. Soon, he was sound asleep and snoring slightly.

Lucius sighed. That had been close! He had feelings for Snape, or so he had thought until that kiss. Now, they were completely gone. As he lounged in his chair, he closed his eyes.

As he drifted off into sleep, his last thought was, _I'm not bored anymore. Just. . . tired._

And then, he was sound asleep, as well.

_ The End!_


End file.
